Bad parenting much??

Raising a child can be very difficult. We sometimes forget that children need to learn how to become adults from us and that they are not little adults. We have to teach them. In my opinion, there are certain characteristics a “good” parent should have. I also think that this applies to elder sisters and brothers and how they treat their younger siblings… The information below is taken from a website about the characteristics of a good parent. I think that all the below point are absolutely true.

A good listener:
As parents, we sometimes are quick to judge our child’s actions or choice of words, that we do not hear their cries for love, attention, or help. We should listen to their feelings, reactions, and opinions. Try to understand their point of view. Look at them when they are talking to show that you are hearing their every word. Put down that book, turn off that television, stop what you are doing and listen!

A good example:
We should treat our kids as our equals and not as subordinates. The “do as I say and not as I do” mentality doesn’t work. Teach your child how to be responsible, caring, a hard worker, patient, etc by exhibiting those characteristics within yourself. It’s not too late for you to do so.

Makes time for the family:
It’s true that many of us have to work to provide our family with the essentials. In doing so, remember that material things cannot substitute love and quality time from a parent. Your child should know that they are important to you. They should not have to compete against your job. The position and title that you hold and your job cannot be passed on, but the love, the traditions, and time put into your family can be carried throughout generations.

Get involved in your child’s life.
Respect their interests, do not down play them as mediocre. Share in some of the activities you enjoy. Become familiar with the current trends. It may be a little different than what you’re used to, but that doesn’t mean you can’t learn to at least respect it.

Displays unconditional love:
Love your child no matter what. Never allow them to have a doubt in their minds of your love for them. At times they may disappoint you, anger you, or even disrespect you, but even during those times they should know that they are loved by you. No one is perfect, we’ve all made mistakes and will continue to. Shower those imperfections with love. It’s not much! Simple things that we, as parents, can do everyday.

I say this because I was very upset about what my dad said to my sister today. In his advice to her, he mentioned that if she did not try harder and get band 1, she will become useless, and in his words, like a cartoon.

That infuriated me a lot. It was certainly a bad example of parenting. I certainly wouldn’t advice my son or daughter like that in the future. Would you? What’s wrong in not getting a band 1? Nothing will happen if you don’t get band 1. But instead, let’s try phrasing the consequence in a different way: “if you try harder and get band 1, won’t you be happy? And also you will gain more confidence and even do much better next time. Everyone will like you and praise you.”

Both the consequences, negative and positive, are almost the same. If you lose confidence, if no one praises you or likes you, you will become useless. But instead of telling the children about the negative consequences, why not tell them the positive ones instead??? Isn’t it much better? A negative consequence might seem like it’s the better way to discipline a child to study harder. But let’s say the child really doesn’t get band 1, he or she might start thinking that they are really useless, like their parents told them so many times. Wouldn’t it?? Then the child will have a low self-esteem and refuse to try harder next time.

Being positive is very important, especially to a child while he or she is going through a phase of life, in which the child can be molded like a clay. I believe that children are like what their parents are like. Parents might not know, but they observe their higher role-models constantly and come to their own decisions. For example, if parents are very sociable people, keep their houses clean and read a lot of books, the children of the family would also follow the same examples. When I say higher role-models, I also refer to elder siblings. My sister reads a lot of story books, after observing me reading novels constantly.

That is why, by setting a good example, you can teach your younger siblings or your kids a lot of things, which are non-verbal. And I will certainly be a good role-model to my sister and my kids in the future.

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