Just random rant

Going to dinner with my colleagues and discussing with them about adult issues is making me feel kind of weird. All of a sudden I feel really grown up while I’m actually not. My attachment to my parents have also diminished. Nowadays I feel like they are quite irritating, but only sometimes. I feel that it would be great if when I reach home after work, there is nobody else at home except me. I kind of want to live alone. Atleast, that is what I thought until today.

But in retrospect, I don’t think it is possible for me to live alone without my family, even if I am able to support myself fully. Atleast, I need a partner to live with. Like when I get married or something. It will still be great to have some privacy of my own at home, at certain times. Like having my own room, even after I’m married. But living alone for the entire part of my life is not my option.

I don’t want and like to be reporting to my parents every reason and detail of what I’m doing and where I’m going. It is essential to tell them when I’ll be back home and all that. But when they start taking control of my life, I will kind of hate it. And I’m glad that my parents don’t do that so much. They trust me and I love them for that.

I notice that I’m starting to hate some of the things that my parents say and I’m still unable to rebut them in any way. If I do, they think of me as a stranger. A different person. They usually think of me as being sweet and concerned type of girl. But they still don’t realise that I’m changing and my views are becoming stronger. Especially about my views on atheism. I have become an atheist. They don’t approve this view of mine. Sometimes, we remain silent and do not discuss too much of this. I go to temples with them and put up an act just for them. All I can do is look at the statues from an artistic point of view and admire their creators. Thank goodness, they still do not know about other such opinions I hold. I can easily talk about such things to my friends but not to my parents. Afterall, they are our ‘creators’ and try to mold us in a way they like.

There is another issue I want to discuss in detail that is still on my mind, but I don’t feel like doing it now. I might probably do it some other time his week. So until then…