Can we be friends?

It is so damn irritating… I’ve had it… Finally, I want to get it out and in the open.

Why do Indian guys always go, “can we be friends”? I’m sick of hearing this again and again. You don’t know me at all. And still you want to ask to be friends. I don’t understand this mentality of Indian guys… Can someone please enlighten me?

Friendship should happen by itself, and it is not something you initiate. You meet a person a few times, you get to know that person slowly, and then you get to share personal thoughts with that person and get connected with them. The moment you share these personal thoughts is the defining moment when you have subconsciously accepted the other person as a friend/confidante.

Without all this happening, how can you become friends with a person you have just met and trust them with all the things you share with them? The trust on the other person is developed only in the first few times you meet that person. If so, how you become friends immediately? Just like that? Especially a friendship between a guy and a girl.

I guess their definition of friendship is different. But still, it is ridiculous, the way they ask. I would say, if your definition and their definition of friendship does not seem to match or complement each other, then forget it… Move on.

The daunting future…

Call me paranoid or anything, but seriously I am very scared about my future. Especially at this stage of my life, I am very much scared. You can call it the ‘quarter-life crisis’ or something.

Ten years ago, I was so naive enough to write in my diary the following words:

“Dear diary, I wonder who my future life partner would be like… I just wish he is all the things I want him to be. I don’t know who he is, but I am already in love with him so much!”

The entry continues further. I wrote this when I was 11 or 12 years old, while I was still in primary school. I was such a daydreamer back then, believing so much in all the “prince-charming” nonsense… But looking at my life now, from the point where I am standing, it is really daunting.

Well, what am I really worried about here? That the guy I will one day marry will make me happy at first and then totally rip apart my heart? That this guy will cheat on me? That this guy will one day stop loving me? Not really. Yes, I am worried about all this. But I am more worried that I will stop loving him… I will never cheat on anyone, but the scary part is I losing interest in my love. This will happen to all of us. Most of us are worried that the day will come when both the man and the woman will get bored of each other. Not one ounce of love is left in the relationship, not even after the bundle of joy has come into their world to brighten it up.

This is something to be scared of that will happen after the marriage. But the most scariest of all is that I don’t trust anyone at all!! I find it very hard to trust someone, because everyone has something about them that can surprise you! If this is the case, then how can my parents expect me to make the biggest decision in my life just based on trust on a guy whom I have never known before in my life (maybe known for a few months to a year)?

I am not supporting love marriage here. Hell, that is far worse than any form of arranged marriage. You are entirely on your own when it comes to love marriage, unless your parents are agreeable to your choice of partner. But in an arranged marriage, the rest of the family from both sides are with each other.

Marriage is a beautiful thing. It is not just the boy’s and the girl’s decision to tie the knot, but the guy’s family’s and the girl’s family’s decision too. I would really love to go through with it. But I leave everything in God’s hands and let Him take care of everything, as I have limited control over such matters.

No matter what type of marriage it is, love or arranged, my strong opinion is to never go against parents’ wishes. If your parents are looking for a guy/girl for you, then you make the final decision. On the other hand, if you choose a person as your life partner, then let your parents make the final decision. This is something I strongly believe in. And if I were to come across a guy whom I like, I will bring him to my parents first before I take any decision.

Although I wonder what their reaction would be like! Haha. I believe that my parents are open-minded and would care more about my happiness than anything else. I believe they trust that I would make a good decision in choosing my life partner. I also believe that they are reading (or will soon read) this blog post right now… 😉

Apart from all this, the fear of the future is still there. I think I would never be able to trust anyone, until unless I know them for atleast a year. I believe in taking things slow and starting with friendship. Maybe being friends first can prolong the lifetime of a happy marriage. But its totally scary man!!