Just for the past few weeks or a month, I’ve been noticing and hearing about men with horribly-gone-wrong minds! Neither will I side with the women and say that they have not gone wrong anywhere. But I should say that men are a lot worse than woman when it comes to thinking and/or doing “dirty”.
Just few days back there were two cases of men (one Indian and one Chinese, this shows that even race, religion, ethnicity doesn’t make a difference!!) displaying/exposing their private parts to women in a park! This came out in the news and it is now under police investigation. Evident enough that this is not a simple matter to just ignore and leave. What guts does it take a man to expose his private parts to a woman in the public and that too in broad daylight?! That person can only be a mentally-disturbed psycho person! What prompts him to do such an idiotic act? Do the guys ever know how hurting this is to the girls? It is really a traumatic experience for the girls and it would take atleast a day or two just to overcome the shock of it, if it were for the first time for a girl! It is really mentally disturbing for the girls, and guys never realise this!
A recent case of the Austrian guy who had 7 kids with his own biological daughter just confirms the extent of abnormality of the minds of the men!! Gosh! Simply unbelievable, shocking news it was! Again, what prompts these kind of guys to commit such hideous crimes?!
Every thought, word and action counts and makes a huge difference to one’s character and disposition. If your actions are good (charity) but your intention behind those actions are bad (to show-off), then does it make a difference? All our lives we are being hypocrites. We’re thinking one thing, but doing something else. Guys talk/act very well in front of their women friends/colleagues but who knows what “dirty” thoughts are running in their minds? Let’s not be hypocrites please!
You can argue, that for such thoughts to arise in our minds, its only natural. Just because it is natural doesn’t mean that it should be let to run as it likes. If our intellect doesn’t have control over the whims of our minds, then who will? And by control, I don’t mean to say that one should resist one’s desires or thoughts. By control, I mean not to have such desires or thoughts unnecessarily and abnormally. Don’t let your mind run awry!
Don’t forget your morality! Just a few weeks back, I had an argument with two of my friends regarding an issue: pre-marital sex. One of my friends was saying that it is alright to have pre-marital sex as long as both the parties are truly in love with each other, trust each other and that both know where they are heading. The other friend didn’t exactly argue, but he agreed with me that it not morally correct to have pre-marital sex. I’m really glad to have met such a person who argues that way, because I’m sure not many guys think that way!
Why do I say it is not moral to have pre-marital sex? Firstly, our scriptures say so. I am very much a person who abides/aspires to abide by the rules of morality put forth by our Shrutis and Smritis (to a lesser extent). It is true that I am not knowledgeable by what is written in the Vedas. Therefore, I cannot quote any verses from there. But I can definitely, by logical explanation, come to the conclusion that pre-marital sex is wrong.
Many of us are blinded by our desires that we tend to forget the very basis of morality inherent in us. Yes, ours is the country which celebrated sex and even prompted Vatsyayana to write the Kamasutra. Its true. But who was the Kamasutra wrote for? It was written for married couples to fulfill one of their purposes in life (out of the four purposes: Dharma, Artha, Kama, Moksha). Seeking pleasures and entertainment is one of the goals in human lives. But the basis of that seeking should be Dharma. And Dharma tells you to follow Truthfulness, Non-violence, Non-stealing, Brahmacharyam (continence), Patience, Determination, Compassion, Simplicity, Moderate Eating and Purity (of thoughts, speech and action).
By having pre-marital sex, you are violating one or more of the above Dharma. Namely:
1. Truthfulness – because most probably the promise between the two would not be kept
2. Non-violence – because you will most probably end up in hurting each other emotionally
3. Brahmacharyam – this is pretty obvious
4. Compassion – whatsoever compassion you had is now all lost, as you didn’t even think of those persons or even yourself who would be hurt by this action!
5. Purity – such an experience will remain in your mind forever, even if you move on and marry another person, you might feel guilty that you’ve been the cause of hurting someone or betraying your newly-wed
You can now ask, why should I control my sexual tendencies? Why should I be a brahmachari or brahmacharini, till the right time I step foot into the Grahastha Ashram (married life)? Such tendencies, if you notice, only give you momentary happiness/bliss. It is a distraction, nothing much. Before you know, you will be back to square one. You can channel that energy into something much useful rather than exploiting someone for your desires. Not only is the bliss momentary, but also it is a hurtful experience. No matter what justification you can give, saying that both the parties are very much in love and that both know what they are getting into, the hurt and distrust would be there for sure. We all seek security afterall, especially the women. Moreover, time will change everything. People who were “very much in love with each other” once, can change with time. What will happen then?
Some people would argue, then is marriage a license, guaranteed to contain the joys of a physical relationship?! I will give you a resounding NO! Who asked you to marry so that you can have a sexual relationship? One should marry because one loves the person very much and wants to spend the rest of the life with her/him. It is a basic respect you show for the other person, and you are only tainting this relationship if you have pre-marital sex. You are disrespecting your partner.
I’m not writing this post to stop all those guys out there from achieving their hideous, mis-directed desires. You are not obliged to pay attention to my personal ranting through this post and uphold Dharma. You can go ahead destroy Dharma, because you are in the Kali Yuga. Dharma is already going down in the drains, anyway. My post is not powerful enough to stop all those dirty-minded men out there. Who is to stop them, if they are meant to be that way? Maybe they will, if God Himself comes and tells them all this? Then what?
If we are good persons, just so that we will not go to Hell, then we are an awful sorry lot indeed!!!
Note: My post title was initially “Men!” but I changed it to “Humans!” This is because, I felt that I am being unfair to all the GOOD guys out there if I were to only address the men. This post is equally (or maybe less?) applicable to any guilty female as well, who harbors such “dirty” thoughts in their minds.
Priya Jayagopi 